Fallen
by bond2012
Summary: When Harry looses Ginny at war, he finds himself very lost. It seems only one person can get through to him but will he accept his help?
1. Chapter 1

**Hello again! I hope everyone had a merry christmas and i wish you all a happy new year! This story is a bit different to what I normally write. Its more grim I think. I wanted to write another story featuring the relationship between Harry and Remus because I think it is an odd one and a one that has a lot of potential for writing. This story involves some adult themes such as suicide and lots of violence. Please note that it is not a romantic story at all. I am currently working towards exams so i will update as much as possible but probably never during the week. Please leave reviews and comments and I hope you enjoy this story. bond2012 x**

**Chapter 1**

Harry had witnessed many people fall. He had watched as some of his closest and dearest fell down to the ground for the final time, leaving behind them nothing but heartache as they reached their final sleeping bliss.

First he had watched his father fall. Only young he didn't understand the panic that suddenly filled the room. His mother grabbed him quickly from his father's knee and fled frantically out of the room, stumbling and almost falling. Fear gripped the young baby Harry and he began to cry. She stifled his sobs by clutching him tightly to her chest. Only his eyes were free and could peep over her shoulder. He watched as his father ran into the hallway as a man,cloaked in black, burst open the door and sent a bright green burst of light in his direction. It hit him square in the chest, sending him flying backwards. He hit the kitchen door with a tremendous bang and slumped to the floor, his glasses askew and a small trickle of blood running from his mouth. His mother screamed at the sound and gripped baby Harry tighter and she tripped onto the landing upstairs and fled towards his bedroom. She threw open the door of the little nursery, decorated in baby blue with little toys scattered on the floor. It seemed innapropriate in the panic that surrounded them. She placed him roughly in the cot by the window and began to move the changing table to block the door. However it burst open knocking her and the changing table backwards up against the cot. Harry began to sob, screeching for his mother. She stumbled to her feet and spread her arms wide in front of the cot, shouting words at the now enteirng intruder that Harry didn't understand. The cold voice of the cloaked man's reply startled him and silenced him for a moment. His mother began to cry and suddenly the intruder raised his wand, sending another green light at his mother. She screamed as it hit her, then fell gracelessly in a crumpled heap at the feet of baby Harry.

Next Harry had watched Cedric fall. Although they had never been close, their was a mutual respect between them and Harry had always admired Cedric's pleasantness and polite behaviour. However these qualities did not help to save him as the green light chased him to the end of his life. It was cold and raining lightly and the night smelt of mud and stagnant rain. Cedric yelled as the glow hit him and fell heavily onto the grass. The mud splattered up his handsome face and into his open grey eyes which no longer glittered with life but appeared glassy. Harry watched in horror as he rolled into a tombstone which stopped his movement but also knocked his head, sending blood flowing down his empty face. It was a gruesome sight. He lay twisted by the triwizard cup, almost like a symbol of broken glory, with his arm bend out at a funny angle and his knee bent sickeningly. The hair's on Harry's arms stood up in the cold and he began to shake and shiver from shock. He could taste blood in his mouth where he had bit his tongue as he yelled for Cedric to move before he had been killed. The night around him was silent but the memory of Cedric's final noise still echoed in his dribbled down his face and off his hair, he didn't even notice, his eyes were tansfixed on the soaked corpse at the foot of someone else's final resting place.

However by far the worst death to witness was Sirius' .He had pushed Harry roughly aside to protect him from enslaught of curses headed his way and took over the fight. He fought like an artist, each swish of his wand like the stroke of a paintbrush; carefully considered and applied with skill and room was alight with colours, Sirius' palet of paints he could use. All around him people were shouting and crying, a carcophany of sounds but time slowed and al Harry knew was the sour taste of fear in his mouth and the wonderous sight of Sirius at work. A bead of sweat rolled down his brow and his face was wrinkled in concentration. Harry watched, lost in the speed of the fight, eyes fixed on Sirius but then it happened again. The green reaper claimed another victim as it shot with menace from her wand and pushed Sirius backwards into an empty stone archway. His face was illuminated in green for a moment, highlighting his shock and regret before he fell, backwards into an empty existance. He made after his godfather, desperate to pull him back but Remus clung onto him and held him close. Harry could smell his scent mixed with sweat from the fight, but it only aggravated him, because Sirius often borrowed Remus' aftershave and the smell reminded him strongly of the man he was accepting as dead.

Then Fred was next, he was lost in a cloud of dust, stone and concrete raining from the sky. Harry floundered, desperate to escape the fog, his lungs burning from the contaminated air and his eyes stinging and straining to see ahead. He could taste the dust and it dried out his mouth, but he yelled for Hermione and Ron. The sound of falling stone began to cease and a strong smell of concrete that reminded Harry of building sights, filled his nose. He began to dig himself out of the pile of rock, moving aside jagged stones which were cold in his hands. He saw the green light illuminate the scene and when he was free he stumbled through the ruins to see the broken body of Fred Weasley slumped against a standing peice of wall, a frozen smile haunting his face. He felt sick at the sight, and fell to his knees beside the body of a good friend, grief filling him as he watched Ron and Percy cling to the corpse in desperation.

After each death, Harry had felt empty. Hollow, as if nothing could ever fill him. But watching the latest, left him so alone, so consumed in grief that the world ended around his head and the existance he inhabited seemed futile. He was completely and absolutely surrounded by darkness. It wasn't a romantic death. Nothing like a film. It was a gruesome, quick death, no chance to whisper 'I love you' or even to lock eyes. Ginny fell from the tower without a glance in his direction without a word on her lips, rigid and frozen in a curse and doomed. Harry dived desperately through the stone around his feet as fast as he could, falling with his arms oustretched and screaming for her. Stones pierced his hands and knocked his limbs. His face smashed into the floor, blood pouring from it on impact. He continued to scream from the emotional agony that gripped his heart and now the added pain from all the hard fall. He screeched her name. Sobbing, tears and blood combined to flow like a river down his broken face. He scrambled up from the floor and threw himself after her, out of the blasted remains of the window but something pulled him back.

Strong hands were clutcing his arms, they gripped too tightly and hurt. They brushed the cuts and caused Harry to scream in pain. They pulled at his arms, yanking them almost out of their sockets as they pulled him back inside. He struggled and tried to jump back out of the window, but arms wrapped around him and clutched him close, half huging him, half trapping his weak body. A chin rested on his head, then a cheek and a gravelling voice muttered 'shhhh'. Tears that weren't his own rolled onto his grimy hair and down his face. He lost the will to fight and collapsed into the arms, sobbing uncontrollably. His hands scrabbled at the clothes of the other person, he gripped them tightly, almost tearing them as he wept hysterically. His eyes were blurry from tears and he didn't even know who he was hugging but at the moment he didn't care, as long as it was someone.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

After a while, tears seemed to run out and all that was left was shallow breathing and dry sobs. Harry was trembling violently and his whole body seemed shaken. His stomach felt sick and his insides were churned up from the fall. His face was stinging and his body ached. He felt drained, as if he couldn't carry on. He had long lost his wand in the desolate wasteland of rubble that surrounded him. His eyes burned from all the tears and the cold which was creeping in from the dark night through the blasted holes in the wall. He sniffed to stop his nose from running and inhaled the scent of the cold empty night and the sweat of the person to whom he was still clinging. His hands were kept warm, tangled tightly in the cotton shirt of the man who held him but the hairs on his arms stood on end, exposed to the cold night chill. He licked his dry lips, tasting the salt from his tears and the awful staleness on his tongue. He let his head flop onto the man's chest, listening to his heart beat like a small boy in the arms of his father. He just wanted to go to sleep, to have the man hold him until all his injuries healed and his heavy head drifted off into blissful peace, and then to wake up and, as cliche as it sounded, discover it was all just a bad dream. A horrible nightmare that just wasn't real. His eyes began to fill as he realised once again the reality of the situation but the man began to stroke his head and he calmed down once more.

Slowly he began to push himself up, off the man, to stand with all his weight on his trembling legs. He looked up to see the face of Remus Lupin, covered in grime, blood and tear tracks. He gave Harry a very weak smile, still holding him up with suprising strength. Harry looked at Remus, he was covered from head to foot in the dust from the fallen stones. He had a deep gash in his cheek and his already shabby clothes were torn in places revealling other cuts and bruises from war. He was tall and thin and his face was exactly how Harry remembered it but something was hidden behind his watery eyes. He looked as broken as Harry felt. He released him and Harry looked around the room. They had been standing at the very top of the astronomy tower. Once it had been magestic, open and exposed to the night by thin glassless windows. It had been the perfect romantic spot. Now the balcony had been blasted away, along with the glassless windows in the wall. All that was left was a sharp ledge, coated in broken stone and rocks and covered with a heavy sprinkling of dust. The night was black but the moon illuminated the ledge so Harry could see well. He looked at the jagged ending from which Ginny had fallen and made towards it but Remus grabbed his hand before he could reach its end. He looked down. It was a long way to the ground but he couldn't see Ginny's body in the mess of rubble below. His tears rolled from his face and down into the bottomless night.

"I'm so sorry Harry." Remus said. His voice hoarse and heavy with emotion. Harry turned, his hand still tightly clasped in Remus'. He seemed unwilling to let Harry go, in case he jumped. He couldn't make himself speak, he just looked at Remus, blank and empty. Remus stepped foward, the stones at his feet rolling away and making a loud clunk as they fell. His hand was warm and covered Harry's completely. Harry's hand still stung from the cuts but he didn't care anymore. Remus reached forward, edging closer to Harry who was standing at the very edge of the floor. He leant towards him and extended his hand. Harry took it and Remus pulled him away from the ledge, sighing with relief when he was well away. The silence was thick, almost palpable and the calmness of the night seemed extraordinary to Harry, who's head was filled with the roar of tragedy and the final scream of his girlfriend.

Remus led Harry to the doorway and stood him by the wall. He then stumbled and tripped through the rubble in search of his wand. He blasted aside rock with his own then bent down suddenly, rising with a wooden stick, covered in dust, clutched in his hand. He shoved it in his pocket and made his way carefully back to Harry who was stood, frozen in position with his eyes staring blankly at the moon and his arms dead by his side. Suddenly Remus stopped, a stone rolled over the edge of the floor and away as he bent to pick something up from near the edge. He held up another wand, broken in half with the unicorn hair holding it together, peaking out from the wood. It had neat little engraving around the handle and was thin. Harry's eyes snapped down at it and stared intently at it for a was a wand he knew well. Remus gently took it to him. Harry was unable to move so Remus lifted his arm and placed the wand softly in his oustretched hand. He let go and the arm remained suspended in front of Harry as he gazed down at the only piece of Ginny left. Remus stood by Harry but didn't make a sound or even touch him, he just stayed there beside him.

After a while Remus said in a soft voice, "Would you like me to reseal it?" Harry looked up at him with wide eyes and nodded slowly. Remus pointed his wand at the broken one and a small stream of light shot out, making the broken pieces of the wand rejoin. A feeble spark blue light spat from the tip of the wand but otherwise it did nothing. Harry continued to stare at it, foolishly wishing that Ginny would appear and take it from his hands with a jokey remark such as 'Oi, shouldn't touch what isn't yours'. Nobody took it from him. His head was spinning and he felt like was going to collapse. He could still smell Ginny's perfume on his t-shirt...

A loud sniffing sound broke the silence and Harry looked up at Remus who was was stunned by the sight, Remus was a very private man and had never displayed this kind of emotion in front of anyone. Remus used a filthy hand to rub his eyes and winced as he caught the cut on his cheek. Harry watched him with wide eyes. Remus noticed him staring. Harry looked rather pathetic, standing with a broken wand in one hand and a blank expression.

"I know how you feel." he choked, "I lost Dora as well." Then emotion overcame him and he turned away to wipe his eyes. Harry felt a twang of guilt and remorse. He looked at the wand for the last time then placed the last tangable memory of his beautiful Ginny in his pocket before turning to Remus.


	3. Chapter 3

**Please note that the following chapter does repeat some of what you already know but I promise its necessary. bond2012 x**

**Chapter 3**

The war had ended with bloody and brutal fighting. The Death Eaters stormed the castle after discovering that Harry had indeed survived. They attacked with vehemer, cursing everyone in sight and fighting with unknown dark curses. All around Harry, people fell to the ground with agonised screams and gruesome wounds. Voldemort himself had entered the fray but he was not looking for Harry, rather everyone Harry loved. He was on a hunt to destroy everything that Harry held close to bring the boy to his knees and surrender.

He stalked the castle as his red eyes scanned the fighting crowds for faces he recgonised. He sniffed the air for the scent of fear which was like a fog of gas over the castle. He cackled coldly, his cruel voice stunning those who heard it. He trailed his long white fingers along the walls as lightly as a ghost and rejoiced with each drop of blood he felt there. He was a monster, with no humanity left. He wanted to watch every last member of this useless cavalry suffer and planned to make it so. His first victim was ahead...

First he went after Ron who looked like an easy target with his lack of knowledge and clumsy nature. Voldemort followed the bobbing red hair as the boy scrambled up the stairs, tripping over rocks and reaching out to falling stones for help. Ron stumbled and pointed a shaking wand at the dark Lord, his eyes wide with fear and his voice course, the Dark Lord had underestimated the fury of a clever, besotted witch and Hermione fought in Ron's defense so violently that he abandoned chase and changed target. She appeared out of nowhere, her wadn steady and aiming to kill. She shot curse after curse at the monster with rapid attack until he was cowering away from her deadly shots. With each spell she screamed curses at the beast, her arms shielding a very stunned Ron.

He went after Ginny next but Harry was at her side. The fighting was brutal, he pinned Ginny behind him, making himself a physical body shield and fought with every fibre inside of him in her defense. The fighting moved from floor to floor, leaving innocent blood upon the floors like a deadly trail until Harry had the Dark Lord cornered in the astronomy tower. Voldemort began to panic, sensing defeat. He was on watch for something to slip... It was Ginny. Harry held Ginny's hand tight as he fought, praying that she wouldn't get hurt. He removed the other death eaters and moved in for the main event, but as he did, Ginny tripped over the ruins on the floor and her hand slipped from his. His momentary distraction was his weakness and Voldemort quickly shot a body binding curse at Ginny and sent her tumbling from the tower to her death. Harry's anger exploded from him in the form of a piercing scream and a burst of black light which engulfed the Dark Lord and forced his body to explode with a gory screech of pain. Harry fell to the floor in agony and made to jump out of the tower after Ginny but Remus pulled him back.

Harry's grief was immeasurable. He could barely function knowing that Ginny no longer existed. Remus had led Harry from the tower and back to the remains of the Gryffindoor common room. The castle was silent. Most people were in the Great Hall, being patched up and healed or wrapped in death clothes. Harry was as white as a sheet and still shaking. Remus sat him down on the dusty sofa. He sat, staring ahead, the roar of fighting still echoing in his ears. Remus fell into a nearby armchair and rubbed his face with grimy hands. Harry knew that he was crying but he didn't feel able to comfort him. Every thought in his mind was consumed by the image of Ginny's fighting body falling from the tower. He shuddered as he felt the sickness rising inside himself. He stood up quickly, startling Remus and vomitted all over the floor.

Remus was at his side instantly, gently rubbing his back and murmering something about it all being ok. Harry began to tremble more, he was rushing between hot and cold and his head was spinning. All he could taste was vomit and it was all he could smell too. He clung to Remus' arm as the image of Ginny falling became clearer and clearer in his head. He began to whimper and shake more. Remus was fully supporting him now, holding him up by his arms. He was saying something but Harry couldn't hear it, there was a rushing sound filling his ears and a horrible echo of Ginny's scream...


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

Harry couldn't remember what had happened but when he opened his eyes, all he could see were blurry light shaddows and the fuzzy outlines of a room he didn't recognise. He reached out for his glasses but couldn't find anything. Moving his hand across the soft cushion-like surface he was lying on he identified the feeling of tassled edges from what seemed to be a thick blanket. He moved his hand upwards and felt the back of what felt like a material sofa. He sat up, straining his eyes to make out more shapes.

His head was very heavy and when he sat up the blood rushed to his it giving the feeling of bubbles rising and making the world spin. A wave of nausea fell over him and he steadied himself with wobbly arms, taking some long, slow gulps of air. His face was stinging and his whole body was aching intensely. He swung his legs off the side of the sofa and prepared himself to stand up. His fingers were gripping the sofa edge tightly and his feet were tingling on the cold floor. He stood up quickly, using his arms to force himself upwards.

A pain shot through his left leg and he collapsed in a heap on the floor, managing to crash his head off something hard as he fell. He swore loudly and held his head in one rough hand. He assumed that the hard thing that had assaulted his head was a coffee table and placed a hand on it. He could feel the smooth wood and something that felt like paper or magzines. Harry used all of his strength to pull himself up using the side of the little table. He stood on one leg, (avoiding putting weight on his left one) and lowered himself back onto the sofa.

He sighed in frustration and rubbed his face, wincing as he touched a bruise. His skin felt very tender and his nose was aching and sending shooting pains through his eyes. He pressed his palms into them, trying to blot out the pain and scrunched up his face. Behind his eyes little peaceful stars danced and Harry vaguely wished that he could be one of them. He let go after a while and watched coloured spots dance over the hazy outline of the room.

It seemed like a pleasant place, although Harry couldn't remember how or why he was there. Light was streaming into the room and falling over the few pieces of furniture. It was warm, as if the heating was turned up and smelt fresh and clean as if someone had just vaccumed the floor. Harry wondered who owned the place. He lay his head back on the sofa and inhaled the smell of spring air that was creeping through an open window and polish which had been liberally applied to every piece of furniture in the little room.

Harry's hair felt thick and grimy and his hands were coarse like sandpaper. He searched his memory for an explanation of why he was so dirty but his mind seemed frustratingly blank. He had the horrible taste of dried blood lingering about his tongue and so he licked his lips trying to remove it. The room was quiet, only the sound of cars fleeing past could be heard from the open window and every now and then a bird would tweet merrily. Harry was beginning to settle in this beautifully lazy room.

After what seemed like an age, Harry tried to stand up again, this time being careful to avoid his left leg. Once he was stood, resting heavily on his right side, he hopped awkardly towards the outline of the little coffee table. Once he had reached it, he bent down, clinging to the wood desperately, and used his free hand to feel over the contents for his glasses. He touched cups, magazines, books, a pen and what felt like a baby's dummy then finally he brushed over the cold metal rim of his glasses. With a laugh of relief, Harry stuffed the glasses onto his face, wincing as he remembered too late his sore nose.

The room flooded into focus and Harry took a moment to look around.

It was a small room with walls painted light yellow. There was a large bay window on the furthest wall which looked out onto a road and beyond that a large field. Guarding the window were two thick curtains in a soft cream colour fell to the floor and were held back by metal ties. The walls were lined with tall bookshelves, stretching from ceiling to floor and crammed full of different books. Some were ancient looking, with thick marroon colours and faded golden letters, others more modern with paperbacks and black print. The coffee table Harry was leaning on was covered in books, letters, old newspapers and used mugs. A thin pair of reading glasses lay atop of one book which was covered in a fine layer of dust, suggesting nobody had visited in a while. Harry had indeed felt a child's dummy. He picked it up in his free hand to examine it. It was light blue and chewed as if it had been used. He frowned at the little object, its exstance confused him. Who did he know who had a baby?

There was a large desk on the opposite wall which was covered in papers and books. An open pot of ink sat with a quill in it and another lay across a piece of parchment with dry ink over its tip. There was a photo on the desk in a frame of a little baby boy with blonde hair, laughing and smiling at the camera. Harry squinted to see it better but he still didn't recognise the child. He looked back at the sofa. It was cream coloured and made of fabric. It had a tea stain on one of the arms and a tall lamp stood beside it. The blanket that Harry had felt was a thick red throw which now lay in a crumpled heap on the cushions. The sofa had two little cushions, both a yellow that matched the walls and they were indented where Harry had lay on them. The door at the side of the room was open, revealling a short corridoor leadig to a set of stairs.

Harry wanted to know where he was but a strange fatigue crossed him and he stumbled shakily back to the sofa. He lay back down, snuggled under the blanket and closed his eyes for a little while longer, wondering sleepily who owned this lovely little house...


	5. Chapter 5

**Here you go, I know I said no updates during the week but i've been ill and off school! What better to do when you feel sick than write fanfiction! I promise the story will pick up shortly, I just need to emphasise Harry's emotions on loosing Ginny first. It will move on eventually. I promise! bond2012 x**

**Chapter 5**

When Harry next awoke, it was very dark. His glasses had been removed from his face and placed neatly on the arm of the chair beside his head. He felt around for them and pushed them gently onto his nose, remembering the bruising this time. He looked around, someone had closed the curtains. Harry guessed that they had also closed the window as the room was silent apart from his breathing. He slid his legs over the side of the chair again and stood up, resting on his right leg rather than his left. He hobbled over to the window and peaked through the curtain.

Outside the night was blissfully quiet. He guessed it must be the early hours of the morning. The moon was covered by clouds and the stars were dim. The road outside the window was empty, only the occasional car passed by, headlights blaring and windscreen wipers batting away the heavily falling rain. The streetlamps cast an orange glow over the rain soaked road. Harry looked away and closed the curtains again. He hopped back to the sofa and sunk once more into its soft cushions. He felt strangely awake and had a feeling of intense misery falling over him but he couldn't work out why. He scanned his memory desperately but again it seemed clear and blank. He sighed and decided to get up.

Grasping anything he could find to steady himself, Harry made his slow and painful way to the door. He passed into the hall and made for the staircase. Clinging onto the banister, he hopped downstairs as quietly as he could. At the bottom of the staircase there was a door which led further into the house. It was open. There was a light trickling through it which was lighting his way nicely. He could hear the sound of someone walking around and began to creep slowly down the last few stairs to see who it was.

Once he had reached the open doorway he peered around the door, his hands gripping the doorframe tightly to prevent him from falling. The person inside had stopped moving. They must have heard Harry. He tried not to breathe, to stop his body making any noise.

"Harry?" said a voice. It was a hoarse voice, a tired voice. A voice that sounded like it had suffered a thousand years of misery and was suffering a thousand more. The voice made Harry feel worse. "Harry, are you there?"

Harry moved into the light so that the person could see him. He was now standing in a little kitchen, it had thick stone flooring and a small table in the middle of the room. It had no windows but a large fridge, big enough for a family. It had a few lights on the roof which were casting a bright light into the little room. Remus Lupin was standing with a mug in his hands, leaning against the counter. He smiled at Harry.

"Hello." was all he said. Harry nodded in reply.

"Are you feeling better?" Lupin asked, his voice sounded strained and exhausted.

Harry nodded again. Lupin pointed his wand at the kettle which jumped into life. He then extended a hand towards the table, suggesting that Harry sat down.

Harry limped over to the nearest chair and slid onto it. Remus remained standing.

His hair was limp but clean. His face was littered with little cuts and a large scab across his cheek. He had a black eye and a very sickly pale face. He looked ill. He was thin and his clothes looked shabbier than usual. He looked thoroughly miserable, every premature line on his face seemed to scream of untold woe. His eyes were lined by dark bags and his smile was weak and meaningless. He looked wretched.

Harry stared at him with wide eyes. He wasn't sure why, but something told him that he would look so much worse than Remus did. He blinked.

Remus busied himself with making Harry some tea then carried the mug in a shaky hand over to where he was sitting. Harry watched him place the mug in front of him and noticed the tremble in Lupin's fingers. The table Harry was sitting at was rectangular. It had four wooden seats, two on either side. Remus chose to sit in the seat furthest from Harry on the opposite side. He stared down into his mug, his eyes glazed over.

Harry felt the steam from his own mug hitting his face, it left a wet heat on his cheeks. He looked at the swirling contents and felt nauseaous. He placed his fingers around the sides of the mug, the heat burning his fingertips, but he let them burn. The light in the kitchen was hurting his eyes. It was too bright, like the lighting in a hospital. It was like a spotlight blaring down on him. He felt the sadness rising inside him. It was an intense misery. A depressing vortex swirling in his gut. He searched his memory again for its origin, this time a blurry image of flashing lights and a horrible, ear piercing scream returned to him.

He looked up quickly at Remus who was still staring absently into his tea. He wanted to ask him what had happened but the words seemed unable to form on his tongue. The two sat in silence, both staring at their drink. Neither felt able to speak.

Remus was so hollow, he was sure that nothing could hurt him. He was too empty. He stared at the tea, the steam was burning his open eyes and making them water but he didn't care. His fingers were burning from the heat of the mug but he didn't even notice. All that he cared about was gone. Tonks had been slaughtered. The only person who would ever love him as much as he loved them had been taken from him by one swipe of a wand. He felt his eyes prickling and took a slow breath to try and fight back tears. How would explain this to his son?

Harry stared at Lupin for a while, the other man didn't seem to notice. Harry stared from the redness of his eyes to the shake in his fingers and wondered what on earth was going on. His lack of understanding was starting to frustrate him. And who had screamed in his memory? He decided to speak.

Forcing words out of his mouth was difficult. It physically pained him to speak.

"Lupin?" he croaked. His voice cracked as he spoke. Remus jumped at the sound and looked at Harry quickly.

"Yes." he said.

"What happened?" Harry asked. His voice pleaded a little more than he would have liked.

Remus looked uncomfortable and his eyes darted around the room.

"A lot happened Harry." he murmered eventually.

"Why can't I remember anything?" Harry asked.

"I gave you a potion, a very strong calming draught. It cleared your mind so that you might be able to sleep." Remus replied.

Harry didn't have anything else to say so he stared back at his slowly cooling tea. The silence lingered for an age.

"Where am I?" Harry suddenly asked, making Remus jump again.

"In my house." Remus said, his eyes not looking at Harry. He got the impression that Lupin had left something out of that explanation...

The silence covered them again. This time Remus closed his eyes and dozed on his arm. Harry was left staring at his mug, trying to remember...

Harry's memories started to come back, one by one. He closed his eyes... Then suddenly the last one exploded with force into the forefront of his mind.

Ginny was falling, her hair swirling behind her. Harry dived forward, anger exploding out of him like a bomb. He sent the curse flying straight at Voldemort and then without looking to see whether it worked, dived straight over the edge of the tower after Ginny.

Harry opened his eyes. His head was spinning and his heart was pounding. He felt sick and dizzy. He was panting frantically.

"Remus! Remus!" he begged through breaths.

Lupin was awake, he dashed to Harry's side and gripped his shoulders tightly.

"Calm down Harry." he began to say. He supposed the calming draught had worn off.

Harry was panicking, his breathing was speeding up rather than slowing down. Lupin started to panic too. He couldn't give Harry another potion. He pulled Harry out of the chair roughly, by his arms and dragged him into a hug. He held him tightly, feeling Harry shaking. The young man clung, once again, to the fabric of his jumper.

Harry closed his eyes, he was trembling terribly. Had Ginny really died? He was in shock. Lupin held him tighly and all Harry could smell was the clean scent of his washing powder. Harry relaxed in his arms. Slowly calming down.

"Are you ok?" Lupin asked after what felt like hours.

Harry nodded, still refusing to let go of Remus.

"I know how you feel Harry. I lost Tonks too." Remus choked.

"I'm sorry." Harry whispered into Lupin's jumper, knowing that his werewolf senses would pick it up.

"I'm sorry too." Remus mumbled back into Harry's hair.


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

Days passed in miserable stagnation. Harry and Remus sat in the kitchen in silence, as the sun rose and set around them, only leaving to use the bathroom. The whole world continued its course but for Harry and Remus, time stood still, held down by misery which festered in the little kitchen.

After about a week of grieving, Remus stood up from the table. Harry looked up.

"We need to stop this Harry." Remus said. His eyes were dry and red, glowing with some kind of determination. "We can't hide here forever. Thats not how it works. We have to move on."

Harry got the impression that Remus was talking more to himself.

"I can't." Harry said. Remus looked at him, his face full of grief.

"You have to."

"Why?" Harry asked, an anger suddenly growing inside him. He stood up to face Lupin. "Why do I have to? Because you say so? I'm so sick of being told what to do. Everyone is constantly telling me what I have to do and all that happens when I do it, is I lose someone that I love. Ginny was my only perfect thing. She was the only person I ever loved properly and because of Dumbledore's stupid plan she fell from a tower and died. I watched her fall and there was nothing I could do about it. I'VE HAD ENOUGH."

And with that, Harry stormed out of the kitchen. He burst into a little living room, the floor scattered with toys. He kicked them aside as he stormed towards the hallway. He opened the front door and slammed it behind him. The sound echoed through the house, serving as a vivid reminder of how empty it was. Remus stayed stood in the kitchen, staring at the door through which Harry had left.

Meanwhile, outside Harry shivered in the bitter cold. It was late evening and although it was not yet dark, the temperature was dropping rapidly. Harry remained stood just outside the door. He sank to the floor, head in his hands. The breeze ruffled his hair and sent a chill over the goosepimples on his arms. He didn't have a jacket. All he wore was the tattered t-shirt from the battle and the filthy jeans. His hair was still grimy and he smelt disgusting. He just hadn't had the energy to shower. He couldn't do anything, his whole body had been binded by grief.

After a while, Harry stood up. He thought of returning to the house and apologising to Remus but he didn't see the point. He couldn't stay there forever, Remus was his friend but not his family. His hospitality could only extend so far and Harry couldn't intrude much longer. He shivered and began to walk away down the road, the little house drawing into the distance.

He passed houses and little shops until he reached a motorway. Harry didn't have the first clue where he was but it was growing darker and colder and he was starting to freeze. He was following along the grass by the side of a motorway. Cars were speeding past, headlights blazing. Harry stumbled up the steep bank along the valley of which he had been following, his fingers grappling at the mud and slipping in the thickness. He slid on the muddy grass as he reached the top and left grass stains on the knees of his jeans. He sighed and curled up into a ball underneath the shadow of a tree which was growing by the side of the road. He was tucked out of view from cars and passers by.

He dug a little hole with his fingers, mud getting stuck under his nails. The night smelt like petrol fumes and cold air. He was starting to feel numb so cast a set of bluebell flames into the little hole. His eyesight was poor but the artificial orange light which was coming from the street lamps and car headlights combined with the blue glow from the flames allowed him to see the area clear enough. The night was pitch black. Harry felt dirty and cold as he sat, huddled around the flames for warmth. It was noisy by the motorway, cars zoomed by constantly and the flames crackled and popped in the little hole yet somehow, Harry managed to find the exhaustion to sleep.

His head resting in the mud, Harry lay with his eyes closed, sleeping under the tree. His legs ached from the walk and his limbs felt heavy. His fingers tingled in the cold but the heat from the bluebell flames kept him sufficiently warm. His mind was full to bursting point when he drifted off to sleep...


	7. Chapter 7

**Ahoy! I'm so sorry. I'm so unbelievably, truly sorry. This should have been uploaded a long time ago but I'm really lazy and also...no I'm just lazy. I promise to make a substantial effort to upload more often from now on. Anyway, heartfelt apologies aside... Here it is! Enjoy! Just a quick thank you to Hope and Megan who gave me some plotline advice and made me seriously think more carefully about how I portray the characters. Cheers!**

**Please review and let me know whether you think that is how the characters would react. Also tell me what you think should happen next (I'm playing around with a couple of ideas and I'm just wondering whether any of you have had similar thoughts)**

**Thanks for your support even though I'm a horrible author who never uploads on time. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything except the plot.**

**Chapter 7**

When Harry awoke his whole body was stiff. He groaned as he rolled onto his back. Every muscle in his body seemed to have tensed up completely. He pushed himself into sitting position. It was a cold, clear morning. The sky was watery blue and void of any clouds. The ground was hard and frozen. A little frost had settled on the grass around Harry. He looked at the fizzling bluebell flames which were slowly dying. The air was cold and Harry could see his breath. His head was pounding as confused memories of the previous night swirled around at a dizzying speed. He rubbed his head and groaned again. He felt swirling nausea and his ears were ringing.

Harry shivered miserably. The cold had penetrated his skin and the little hairs on his arm were standing on end. He tried to wrap his thin jacket more tightly around himself but it was of little use. He stood up slowly, using the tree to steady himself. He used his foot to stomp out the remains of the smoldering bluebell fire. The undying sound of the motorway continued drawling in the background. Harry looked out over the unappealing sight of hundreds of mixed sized cars flying past, black smoke and pollution billowing into the fresh morning air. He squinted in the bright light. It was then that he realised how dangerous a situation he was in.

He was alone, cold and without anything but a wand. His whole life was absorbed by grief and his future seemed empty. The sight of a new morning and people going about normal business really put his existance into perspective. He realised that he had nowhere to go and that he had offended and abandoned possibly the only person who could have saved him. His eyes stung uncomfortably as he tried to calm down his rapidly increasing breathing rate. He started to recognise his panic.

He couldn't breathe. His whole chest was tight. He was inhaling as fast as he could but the air didn't seem to make it to his lungs. His head was clouded with panic and his eyes were blurring with tears. He fell backwards against the tree, his hands reaching out for anything to help. He was choking, dying...

"Harry." a voice broke through his shroud of panic. "Sit down."

Harry obeyed, sliding down the side of the tree and collapsing in the mud at its base. He felt a hand grip his forearm. He was breathing faster, slipping further away from reality.

"Harry. Close your eyes."

Harry obeyed immediately, scrunching them closed. He was clinging to the words of the stranger as if they were a life line.

"Now breathe slowly."

"C-can't." Harry gasped.

"Yes you can, grip my hand." Harry grabbed the stranger's hand and squeezed it as hard as he could. "Now breathe..."

After a while Harry's breathing slowed and his brain began to clear. He relaxed and allowed his head to fall back against the trunk of the tree.

An age seemed to pass before he was able to open his eyes again, but when he did he was faced with an unusual sight.

Crouched before him in the mud was Remus Lupin. His amber eyes were fixed tightly on Harry. He looked concerned but calm. His hand was clasped in Harry's muddy one and his cheeks were rosy in the cool air. He looked exhausted, his eyes had large dark shadows hugging them.

"L-Lupin?" Harry croaked.

"Hello Harry." Remus replied with a gentle smile.

"How did you find me?" Harry asked in a small voice.

"I just guessed where you might have gone."

"And you guessed here?" Harry asked, confused.

"Ahh...not quite Harry. I followed you. I stayed by those trees until I saw you get up."

"Oh. Right."

An awkward silence fell over the couple. It was broken by a warm chuckle. Harry looked up at Remus.

"What's funny?" he asked.

"Nothing is funny Harry. Nothing at all."

"Then why did you laugh?" Harry asked, unbeliveably confused.

"I laughed because otherwise I would cry."

Harry was startled by the honesty of the statement. Remus was normally a closed man, very private and collected. Harry had only seen one outburst of emotion in him before and it had been much more angry and was different. This was quiet honesty. Something that both comforted and terrified Harry. He wasn't sure what to say next.

"Harry, I understand exactly how you feel. Its like your whole world is contained inside your head. Everything else seems fake. You can't concentrate on anything except her. Its torturous."

"Yeah" Harry whispered.

"Then let me help you Harry. Let me be there for you. I could do with some support myself and I would like you to stay with me."

Harry felt like a child. Remus was being so nice and patient as if Harry was a time bomb about to go off. He was treating him so gently that it made him feel small.

"I'm sorry Remus." Harry mumbled.

"I forgive you."

Remus stood up, dusting down his trousers. He straightened his tattered cloak and then extended a hand to Harry. Harry took it and pulled himself up off the floor. He shivered and tripped as he moved forwards. Remus caught him as he stumbled and took his hand again to support him. Together they made their slow way down the hill and back onto the pavement. They moved in silence until Remus' house was in sight.

Remus only released Harry's hand when he had to unlock the front door. The absense of his warm fingers left Harry feeling bare and unsupported. As the door swung open, Remus stepped aside for Harry to enter ahead of him. Inside the house it was deadly silent. Remus stepped in after Harry, closing the door behind him. The click of the lock echoed through the empty rooms. It served only as a reminder of their combined loss.

Harry was sinking further and further into childish dependancy. All he wanted was to curl up. Remus placed a firm hand on his back and steered him towards the kitchen. Once inside, he led Harry towards a chair and pushed him down into it. Harry was becoming more numb and unresponsive by the second. Remus took off his cloak and slung it over the back of a chair. He flicked his wand at the kettle and it jumped into life, the kitchen filling with a sharp whistling sound and steam billowing from the spout. Remus brushed back his hair and rolled up his sleeves. He sat down opposite Harry and smiled at his blank expression.

"Are you feeling alright Harry? It was rather cold last night."

"Fine." Harry whispered, his mouth dry.

The kettle stopped whistling and so Remus stood back up. He got two mugs out of the cupboard and dropped a teabag into each. He then poured the steaming water into the mugs. Harry watched closely as clouds of steam swirled over Remus' head and steamed up the window behind him. Harry flinched suddenly, his head throbbing.

Remus noticed the movement and summoned a paracetemol. He carried over the newly brewed mug of tea and the tablet and set it down in front of Harry. He then sat down and began to sip his own tea.

"After your tea, I think you should have a shower. You are covered in mud. I'll set it going and leave a towel on the radiator for you."

Harry nodded silently.

"Drink your tea." Remus said softly after a few seconds.

Harry obliged, raising the mug to his lips. He took a sip of the hot tea. It burned as it went down his throat. He could feel its soothing warmth in his stomach.

Remus raised an eyebrow in suprise at Harry's willingness to obey his commands. Normally Harry was a stubborn character who didn't like being told what to do. Now he seemed like a child. He was clinging to Remus' every word and didn't seem to know what to do without instruction.

Remus left the room and turned on the shower in the bathroom upstairs. Harry heard the sound of the boiler kicking into action. Remus reappeared in the kitchen doorway.

"Go in the shower now Harry. I set the temperature so you shouldn't need to change it but if you do, twist the handle left for cold, right for hot."

"Thank you." Harry said blankly as he slid past Remus and up the stairs.

Remus watched him go, leaning against the doorway. He crossed his arms and frowned in contemplation.

Remus was a clever man. He had read a library of books and studied several subjects in his spare time. One of these subjects was child physcology. He had read several books on the subject when Tonks had fallen pregnant. His confidence in his fathering ability had been lacking and so he had sought comfort in studying, to reassure himself that he would not fail in raising his son. While observing Harry's unusual behaviour, Remus had remembered some of his previous understandings in the subject. It seemed as though Harry's difficult situation and intense grief had caused him to become reliant on another person. As Remus was the closest thing he had to family now, Harry had adopted a child like role in his presence and seemed content to submit to him as a normal teenager would to his father.

Remus sighed and rubbed his temples in exhaustion. He didn't know whether he was able to be strong for both himself and Harry. He also had Teddy to think about...


	8. Chapter 8

**My apologies that this has taken so long. I've been inspired by an idea for an ending so expect some more updates soonish. I hope you enjoy this chapter.**

**Reviews and comments are always appreciated! :)**

**Lots of love from**

**bond2012**

**x**

**Chapter 8**

Harry walked into the brightly lit bathroom. The air was thick and warm and the shower was steaming up both the mirror and window. He took a deep breath in the humid air and began to undress. He took care over folding each item and laying it on a pile. He shivered and stepped into the shower. The hot water ran over him and forced him to relax. He allowed it to run over his head and off the end of his nose. He closed his eyes and stood still for a while, feeling like he was standing in the rain.

After what seemed like an age, Harry picked up the sponge off the shower floor and covered it in the apple scented shower gel. He began to scrub his whole body, removing the mud and blood which was still clinging to him from the night before and the battle. He continued scrubbing even when the last of the dirt had gone. He wouldn't stop until all the skin on his arms and legs was bright pink. He needed to get rid of all the memories, all the nightmares from that dreadful night.

When he felt clean he turned off the shower. The room seemed instantly cooler and the hairs on his arms stood on end. He steped out and padded across the floor to where the towel was warming on the radiator. He wrapped it round himself and looked into the mirror. The Harry that stared back at him was almost unrecognisable. His soaking hair was plastered to his forehead covering his scar. His eyes were puffy and one was swollen. He had a cut on his lip which had scabbed over and his skin was pale and sickly looking. Harry looked away and began to dry himself. Not sure if he could face the picture of misery that was his reflection. He walked out of the bathroom, wrapped tightly in the towel.

He had no clothes to wear, the ones he had been wearing were filthy and tattered.

"Remus?" Harry called.

"I've put some clothes in the bedroom Harry. The first door on your left." a voice called back.

"Thank you." Harry replied.

He followed the directions into a little guest room. It had cream coloured walls and a fitted wardrobe which covered the back wall. There were thin cotton curtains over the window which looked out onto a little back garden. It was a little bit overgrown. Harry looked towards the single bed. It had matching cream covers and a few thick plumped up pillows. On the duvet was a faded t shirt and a jumper that Harry suspected belonged to Remus. There was also a pair of jeans and some underwear. Harry got dressed. The clothes were too big as Remus was a lot taller than Harry but he tucked his hands into the sleeves of the oversized jumper and left the bedroom. He hung the towel back on the radiator in the bathroom then headed back downstairs.

As Harry entered the kitchen he saw the table was set with food. Remus had made sandwiches and put crisps and a muffin next to Harry's plate. Remus was sitting, sipping a mug of tea. His plate of food was sitting untouched in front of him. He smiled up at Harry as he entered the kitchen. Harry took the seat opposite him.

"Sorry about the clothes. I couldn't find anything that might fit you. You're quite a bit smaller than myself."

"It's alright."

Harry began to pick at the sandwich in front of him. He hadn't eaten in several days and yet he wasn't hungry. Harry knew that he ought to eat, he was already rather thin and not eating wouldn't make that any he picked up the sandwich and took a proper bite. Remus did the same. They ate in silence.

Something was bothering Harry. He realised that he had nowhere to go. He couldn't face going back to Grimmauld Place, especially now that Kreacher had gone back to Hogwarts. He didn't have enough money to buy a house outright and he didn't feel up to living alone. The thought of being in an empty house made him panic. He wasn't sure that he was mentally stable enough to look after himself at the moment. Harry also didn't want to impose himself on his friends. He knew that they were struggling with grief as well and Ron and Hermione were probably hoping to start a new life together, Harry didn't want to interupt that.

He could only see one solution. He felt awkward having to ask... Technically Remus had no responsibility over Harry...he wasn't family. Harry hoped that Remus would extend his friendship to Harry because if he didn't, Harry wasn't sure what he would do.

"Would it...erm...would it be alright if I stayed here for a while?" Harry asked, nervous about the answer.

Remus wasn't suprised, he knew this was coming.

"Harry, you are welcome to stay here for as long as you'd like. However, you must understand that I will be bringing Teddy home next week and I will not let you stay here if you sulk all the time. As Teddy's father, it is my responsibility to try and make sure that Teddy is surrounded by love and support. He's just lost his mother. He may be too young to understand it but in the future it will be a cause of distress for him."

"I understand." Harry nodded.

"If you remember and still want the job, you are his godfather. It'll be nice for you to be around for him all the time."

"Yeah..."

"Harry, I know that you're struggling but you can't let this grief take you over."

"I'm trying Remus."

"Then try harder." Remus said, standing up. He cleared the table and then stood, staring out of the window. His arms resting on the bench.

Harry stood up, tucking his fists into the jumper again. He moved towards Remus and stood beside him. Neither spoke, just stood staring out into the bright afternoon.

"I'm sorry about Tonks." Harry whispered.

"Me too." Remus replied, not pulling his eyes away from the garden.

Remus put his arm around Harry's shoulder and pulled him close. It was a small gesture but Harry appreciated it all the same. Remus smelt like old books and coffee. He ruffled Harry's hair and then let him go.

"Come on, I'll show you around the house." Remus smiled.

"Alright." Harry tried to smile back, he was still miserable but he was feeling a lot more human than he had over the last week.

It was a small thing but Remus' smile had calmed Harry down. It had made him feel welcome and most importantly, for the first time in years he felt well and truly safe.

He pushed his glasses up his nose and followed Remus out of the kitchen and into the rest of the house.


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9**

Remus led Harry into the living room first, he had already been in this room but it was literally in passing as he stormed out of the house. It was a bright little room. The whole house was very bright and open. Quite the contrast to his mood. There was a large window looking out onto the main road which was supplying bright midday sun into the room. There was a three seater sofa underneath the window made of a cream material. It was very comfortable-looking with large cushions. On the back wall was a big wooden fireplace which had a cluster of photographs in mismatched wooden frames. Harry spied a moving photo of Remus and Tonks dancing on their wedding night. Remus had a smart black and white tuxedo on and Tonks was wearing a delicate dress decorated in diamonds. Harry smiled at the simplicity of the couple, the wedding seemed to perfectly reflect their personalities and relationship. In another frame was another moving photo of a tiny baby boy whose hair changed colour every few seconds. Harry smiled again this time at his godson.

Remus had noticed him staring at the photographs and moved beside him.

"They're lovely aren't they?" he asked.

Harry nodded.

"Tonks sorted them all out. I went out one day and when I came in she had them all up. I'm rather fond of them." Remus said, picking up the one of Tonks laughing with Sirius at an order meeting. He stroked the frame with his thumb.

Harry turned back to look around the room. There were two squishy armchairs and a wooden coffee table in the centre of the room. It was covered in music magazines which clearly had belonged to Tonks and a couple of old books that Harry assumed belonged to Remus.

"Shall we move onto the next room then Harry?" Remus asked. Harry nodded and followed him out of the cosy living room.

They traipsed upstairs next onto the landing. Remus pointed out the bathroom.

"Feel free to use the bathroom, towels are in the cupboard opposite." Remus said. "You'll be staying in the guest room, feel free to make it your own, I want you to feel comfortable here."

"Thanks"

The tour rounded off with Teddy's nursery and Remus' bedroom.

"If you need anything during the night, don't hestitate to wake me up." Remus said as he closed his bedroom door behind him.

Harry looked around, the house was really pleasant.

"Your house is really nice Remus."

"Thank you Harry. I haven't shown you the best room yet, it's on the third floor. " Remus beamed and turned towards the tiny staircase which led up the attic room above.

The room upstairs was the little office room that Hary had woken up in. It was still bright and pale, filled with books and papers.

Harry looked at Remus, "I remember this room."

"Its nice isn't it. I spend a lot of time in here. If you can't find me, check in here first!" Remus chuckled. He walked over to the window and opened the curtains. The afternoon sunlight beamed in, casting a golden glow over the coffee table. Remus collapsed into the sofa which Harry had slept on.

"Sit down, Harry." he said, patting the seat next to him.

Harry sat beside him. Remus turned and looked at Harry.

"How are you feeling?" he asked.

"Alright I suppose." Harry replied.

"You don't have to lie, you can tell me. I'll listen."

Harry knew that Remus meant it. He knew that he would listen. He knew that he wouldn't judge him and that would offer him help if he could. Remus wasn't like other adults. He didn't treat Harry like a child. He didn't ignore his problems and suggestions. He respected him and trusted him. He understood him better than anyone else. He wasn't like Sirius who encouraged Harry to be reckless, Remus sympathised with Harry's desire for a quiet life.

"I've lost everything. I always figured that when Voldemort was gone...if I survived...I would finally...finally have a chance to just...live normally." Harry was struggling now to stop himself from crying. "I knew that my life would be hard...I knew I had a job to do. I accepted that it was my job and that I just had to get on and do it. I tried not to be miserable and...let it get me down but...it's so unfair. I've done everything that I was meant to do...I've risked my life for everyone else and its just not fair...I've lost the only person who ever...saw past my fame and I...I loved her and I thought...we c-could finally be together and I thought that..that for once...I might get a chance for a n-normal life." Harry was crying.

It killed him to cry in front of Remus but he was so emotional since Ginny had died. He just couldn't put on a brave face anymore. He rubbed his eyes hastily with his fists which were still tucked into the jumper sleeves. Remus didn't interupt Harry, he just sat there in silence.

"I'm...sorry."

"It's alright Harry. I'm not going to pretend that I understand what you're going through, because obviously I do not. However, I understand what it feels like to experience the unfairness of life. I always assumed that life would give me something good to make up for the torture that it provided me with the lycanthropy. It did, it gave me Dora. However it then took her away from me. Harry I know you want things to turn out well for you. I understand this. I promise I will help you sort out your life, but you must try and find some direction. Ginny loved you and she wouldn't want you to give up on your life. I want you to move in here. I want you to live here for as long as you want. I really love your company. You are an important part of mine and Teddy's lives and I want you to remain thus. You haven't lost all of your family Harry, if you want us, Teddy and I would like to fulfill that role."

"Thank you Remus. I- I would like to stay here...I really would. If you don't mind?"

"Of course I don't, you are always welcome."

"Thanks...I promise I won't be a bother. I'll help out with the house and help you look after Teddy...I mean if you want me to..."

"I would love that."

Harry smiled shyly.

"I think, Harry, that you ought to contact your friends and let them know that you are alright."

"Oh yeah...I forgot."

Remus chuckled again and stood up. He collected some parchement off the desk and a pot of ink then brought it over to Harry.

"Here." he placed it on the coffee table and then moved towards the door. "Take your time."

Remus left Harry alone in the room. Harry picked up the quill and straightened out the parchement. He took a deep breath and began to write.

_Dear Ron and Hermione,_

_I'm sorry I disappeared on the night of the battle. I needed some space. I'm staying with Remus at the moment if you need to contact me. I hope you are both alright. I want you to know that everything is going to be okay now. I promise I won't let anyone hurt us anymore._

_You are my friends but I never imagined how loyal you would be. I thank you for that. Now I owe you the truth. I'm so so sorry about every single person who lost their lives in that war but I can't be strong for everyone anymore. I'm too weak._

_So if you don't mind, I'd like some time to find myself and recover. I'll let you know when I'm sorted but until then I'd appreciate some space._

_I love you both and I hope you don't hate me. I really hope you don't. I'm sorry._

_Lots of love from_

_Harry xxx_

Harry finished his letter and put the quill in the pot. He rubbed his temples and collapsed back into the chair. Writing to Ron and Hermione had taken a lot of strength, strength he wasn't sure he had yet. He felt drained, stressed and miserable again. He squeezed his eyes closed tightly.

Remus appeared in the doorway, reserved and polite. He spoke in a soft voice.

"Harry, are you alright?"

"No." Harry whimpered.

Seconds after he had said this, Remus was at his side. He placed a strong arm around his shoulder and dragged him close. Harry snuggled his head into the crook of Remus' neck. He stroked Harry's hair, flattened it down and made gentle 'shh' noises as he did so. Harry bit back tears as he burrowed into Remus' arms like a small child. Remus was warm and the perpetual thudding of his heart beat was soothing. Harry's breathing slowed as he felt more peaceful and relaxed.

Remus was suprised that his hug had worked. He wasn't sure how Harry would respond. His own childhood hadn't exactly been filled with affection. His own father had been too ashamed by his lycanthropy to even meet his eyes. Contact between them had been minimal and frosty. Remus had always assumed it was due to his feelings of guilt but as a sensitive child it had greatly upset him and made him feel unloved. His mother had nursed him well and treat him like a son but his fear of rejection was too strong. As an adult he had built barriers, walls to protect him from the bleak exclusion society provided him with. He never let anyone in. Until Tonks. She convinced him that he was human. That he was capable of love and support and not a violent monster. He wasn't confident in his ability as a friend or even a father. In Hogwarts, everyone had confided their fears and concerns in James not Remus. He had always assumed he was no good at providing advice but Harry's acceptance of his help gave him a pleasant suprise.

He held Harry until the boy was calm again. Remus went to move his arm, but Harry grabbed it and held it still.

"Don't go." he mumbled into Remus' shoulder.

"I'm staying here."

"Thank you."

They stayed sat on the couch for a long time, Remus acting as a cushion as Harry leant all of his weight onto the older man.

"Remus?" Harry mumbled.

"Yes?"

"I've lost my dad, my godfather and everyone who acted like a father to me..." Remus frowned in confusion, "Except you."

Now he understood. "I really appreciate your patience with me." Harry finished shyly.

"Harry, you know that I was very good friends with your father. I would've done anything to help him and that same friendship extends to you."

"Thank you Remus."


	10. Chapter 10

**Dear Readers,**

**I apologise for being a horrible person and not uploading any chapters for a hundred years. Truth is, I couldn't work out how to end this story and my motivation has been somewhat lacking recently. However, I have finally decided how I want it to end. **

**If you don't like the ending, let me know why.**

**If you do like the ending, let me know why.**

**If you are indifferent. Great.**

**Thank you for your support with this story, it's been a bit disjointed and completely plotless...I'm sorry. Next time I'll try harder! Particular thanks to ActualNerd who has been reminding me to upload and has shown some impressive dedication to this story even though it has been a bit crap :P**

**Thanks again! Please review. I'm sorry if you're disappointed. I don't own anything etc etc...**

**Lots of love**

**bond2012**

**xxx**

**Chapter 10**

Years had passed since the end of the war.

Months had passed since Teddy had returned home.

Weeks had passed since Harry had regained contact with Ron and Hermione.

Days had passed since he had given his first interview.

Time had changed a lot of things but Harry Potter was still living in Remus Lupin's guest bedroom, which now had dirty clothes scattered across the floor.

And Harry Potter still struggled to fall asleep at night, plagued by sickening memories and the ghosts of tormented guilt.

Harry Potter still struggled to use the shower tap upstairs, never able to turn it on without soaking himself in the process.

And Harry Potter still felt shivers of fear and a wave of nausea when he saw someone who looked a bit like Ginny Weasley.

But Harry Potter had found some form of twisted peace. A peace that couldn't prevent him remembering the horrror but kept him from forgetting the good. It kept him sane and calm, most of the time. It let him grieve and let him move on. Harry's peace was found in Lupin and Teddy and Harry stayed with them, because they were the closest thing he had to family.

So as the sun grew dim and lowered in the sky over the horizon, Harry Potter's shadow could been seen, moving along the gritty sand on the beach. And as the light blazed golden and reflected sharply on the grey waves and the rolling foam which crashed over Teddy Lupin's curling toes, a squeal of laughter could be heard from the toddler who gripped his father's hand tighter and shivered in delightful suprise. And as the spring evening came to its conclusion, the lightly greying head of Remus Lupin raised to follow, with his eyes, the body of a young man who walked in solitude along the sand.

Harry Potter had one hand tucked in the pocket of his jeans, the other holding his trainers. His thin jacket was wrapped tightly around him and provided small protection from the biting cold. His toes curled in the freezing wet sand as he walked barefoot along the beach. He knew Remus would be watching him, but he didn't turn around. He kept on his path, the dying light of the sun guiding his way. The empty beach was silent except for the crashing waves and the squeals of laughter from Ted miles behind him. Harry kept going, sand flicking up into the rolled-up bottoms of his jeans. He sniffed as his nose ran in the chilly air. His fringe tickled his forehead as it danced in the breeze. The smell of the sea salt and the soggy sand filled his senses. Seagulls overhead cawed and soared by, making a racket.

Harry stopped by the rocks, allowing the sea to crash over his feet, the water soaking the bottoms of his jeans. He stood as the waves were dragged back from his toes and watched the foam crawl back with the water, taking clumps of sand with it. He watched the grey sea for a while, staring blankly into the dark watery depths. The whole world serene and dreamlike. A voice broke his train of thought.

"You can't live like this forever."

Harry turned. In the the final blazing light, a beautiful girl stood with shoulder length red hair. She was unaffected by the breeze, meerly standing in the celestial light, like an angel. Harry knew she was a figment of his imagination but he didn't care. His heart still ached at the sight of her.

"Ginny." he breathed.

"You need to move on. You know you do."

"I'm trying." he croaked, in a small voice.

"Try harder." she smiled, a crooked but perfect smile and then drifted off into the water, disappearing as the final glow of the sun died into darkness.

Harry sighed, watching her go. When he was quite sure she was gone, he walked back to Remus who was now towelling off Teddy's feet and together, the little family made their way home. Quite broken and yet quite whole at the same time.

And as time rolled on, Harry watched Teddy grow older and Remus too...and Harry moved on, tried to build a life, but was never able to escape. And Remus let him stay, because deep down inside, he knew that without Harry, he would have to say goodbye to his final friend and the life he had known before the world had been shaken by fear.


End file.
